How to Say "I'm American!" Without Words

First, some humorous mistakes I've made that I'll share... for your enjoyment.

#1 Before our summer sojourn and immediately after I wondered why our dishes and glasses were so cloudy coming out of the dish washer. On my next trip to the store I took a closer look at the cleaning aisles. I saw the tabs I use in the dish soap aisle - okay. Then I saw them (again?) in the laundry soap aisle! Huh? Wouldn't you know they look identical and come in the same size/color boxes except for the instructions on the back. You can guess what was wrong. Freshly laundered wine glass, anyone?

#2 I always wondered why my first playdate with a German neighbor didn't go that well many months ago. A boy in Eli's class invited him for the afternoon and we went - it was awkward and tough discussion for a few hours before we left. Come to find out recently through some German acquaintances that when an invitation is issued for Eli... it's just for him. I wasn't supposed to barge in with my daughter and stay!! Horror! She still says hello to me but there haven't been any more invitations. Oops.

Summer, especially, has revealed some noticeable differences in our two cultures that I'll call: How to say "I'm American!" without words.

• Wear shorts. In Germany, the only shorts you can even find to purchase are jogging or exercise shorts. That goes for men and women. Otherwise you wear capri's. That also goes for men (they all wear them) and women. And if you're going swimming? Wear speedos... tops optional. Again, that's for men and women.
• Wear your wedding ring on your left hand. In Europe, wedding rings are worn on the ring finger of the right hand. Feels too weird to us, though.
• Wear khaki's. Kevin learned this at work, and it's true. Professional men in Germany do not look like they could leave work immediately for the golf course without changing.
• Have your fork with your right hand. The fork never touches the right hand in Germany. You don't cut with it and you don't eat with it. Fork in left, knife in right, no exceptions.
• Hug your friends in greeting. I've quickly learned to become comfortable with the double-cheek-kiss greeting with guys and gals alike. Kevin is still working on it.
• Start drinking your beer / wine immediately. You always, always say 'Prost!' and clink glasses while making eye contact (VIP) before taking a sip. This rule holds even when a coupla guys are going out for a few beers.
• Dress casually. This is my most regular infraction and may have been mentioned before. A German does not leave the house in the morning, even if they are only going to the post office, without doing their hair, donning makeup (women only), and shining their shoes (which, by the way, should be boots 90% of the time).

Now you know what to do if you are looking to fit in... or stand out.