How to Make A German Friend

About 25 miles from there are 50,000 Americans who sometimes have dreams of "really getting to know Germany and making German friends." This is nearly impossible when most of your business can be done on base (for cheaper) and the German businessess in the area speak perfect English. Neighborhoods are segregated and Kindergartens limit the number of American kids they will accept in order to have places for more permanent residents.



Our chances are far better but by no means guaranteed. And, to save you a year or so on the learning curve, I have some guidelines on how to make a friend as an American in Germany:



#1 Live with them. Do not live in an American neighborhood. You will get a spot in the Kindergarten (eventually) and are not viewed as temporary (though you probably are) and therefore avoidable. Don't have a kid? Get a dog. Just as good in the eyes of many.



#2 Start walking. To the local shops and to school. On the walking paths and all the time (you will see your neighbors out there in the rain and snow). Germans walk often and everywhere and can not continue to ignore you if they keep seeing you.



#3 Be A Pest. Keep showing up at the local celebrations of strange saints' holidays, steeplechase contests and soccer games. You might stand utterly alone for a time but you will lose the tourist label and get a few nods and smiles in your direction.



#4 Start talking. It is a rare person here who will come up to you in welcome. It isn't because they aren't friendly - it's because they don't know if you are - and they don't know what to say. Walk in someone's direction - yes this is hard to do - and introduce yourself in any language and smile big.

#5 Stock Tea. Start inviting and do it first or it won't happen. Cake and coffee/tea on real plates at a set table are standard for afternoon visits (and many have expresso machines). I'm a bit more casual but I have started making sure I have tea and baked goods! Germans make friends for life and stay in contact forever. We don't and they know it. You have to be aggressive or you won't get past that.



#6 Grit Your Teeth. Keep doing all of the above even when you've had it and the smile on your face is plastic. One day you'll have a great conversation or visit with a new friend/neighbor and experience a bit of social euphoria that will carry you through.

(Me and a friend: Claudia Muller)

After finally figuring out what was going on in my neighborhood I started getting involved and it was a true test of endurance. No one talking to me or the (rare) few folks who start out disliking me at the play group, the tumbling hour, the soccer field. I almost quit all of them but kept going. Now they all smile in greeting and I talk to everyone I meet on a walk and it really does feel great. Of course, i've had to start drinking tea and pushing dinner back (schedule of most Germans is later than ours) but I don't mind. A friend - especially one in a faraway land - is worth it.