A Medical (Mental) Adjustment

I am a fairly adaptable person. There are many pieces of German culture that we have adopted and will remain a part of this household forever, wherever that household migrates to on this planet. But in two years of trying, I find I am unable to break my American perspective on all things medical, having for too long enjoyed the world standard in medicine.

Existing on the 'good' side of the equation, German medicine offers real, true well-child checkups for children: 2 hours long, vision/hearing/mobility/cognition tests done in the office in addition to the all over exam. Also in their favor is the lack of medical malpractice suits to drive every doctor out of town and country. Finally, they have on-call house doctors when desperately needed, even on weekends.

But the American in me also wants, and does not often see:

• gloves to be worn when drawing blood or fluid samples (or at least hands being washed inbetween drawings being performed by the same person. seriously)
• a waiting room that is bigger than a closet, has more than a plastic plant for diversion, and contains fewer than 38 people waiting to see the same doctor at the same time.
• a bit less of 'doctor knows best' and a bit more of 'the mom knows' kind of listening.
• the ability to purchase Ibuprofen without a prescription.

My biggest complaint was highlighted last year with Eli's nasty tonsils and this year with Mary's troublesome ears, however. And that is the reluctance of doctors (and parents) to do even the simplest operation (tubes in the ears, for example) unless they have exhausted all homeopathic and modern medicines, the full store of a mother's patience, and countless hours of time spent at checkups and pharmacies. Last year I gave up on this side of the pond, went to the states, and had Eli's tonsils yanked, FINALLY solving the problem.

This year remains to be seen. The ENT is nice. He actually has a decent office. But he has prescribed no less then 7 different medicines in various combinations to fix Mary's very real fluid-in-the-ear and ear infection issue in the last 3 weeks. All but one are homeopathic. A new (and somewhat alarming) experience for me. These drugs, for adults and children, almost ALL contain ALCOHOL. To dry up the fluid, silly. And now we're putting oil into her nose that has Glycerol-something-or-another in it.

Ranting to my German friends has proved predictably pointless. They have informed me I am too quick to operate and operations are all dangerous and scary. They have a point. I am trying to listen. But "wait-and-see" has never, ever been my strong-suit. I pursue a solution as quickly as possible. I am being forced to hold my horses.

Honeymoon's Over

Eek. Two months gone. Not sure how I couldn't have noticed since I slept very little during that time. After Denmark / Norway we spent crunch time bonding with all our friends here then we left for three weeks to the states (see pics at right) where Mary was sick the whole time and Eli part of the time and I travelled through three states in a VW bug with too much luggage but saw lots of good friends and then back here with mom where we went on a weekend to the Black Forest, rushed through busy regular life, then flew to Madrid for five days / nights (see pics at right) and then back here but Kevin was gone to the States and he's still not back but now my mom is gone and i'm still not getting much sleep. Now you're all caught up. Thanks for (attempting) reading.



For October, at least, we will be the boring Flikkema family, we hope. The Honeymoon (with Europe, with travelling) is over.



Being in the States showed me that there are many good things to be said about my home country. Things I miss and would like to be a part of again. Living abroad is not better than all things. I still love it here. This is home. But perhaps not living here forever is okay too. And, if you are interested in advice (i'm pretty free with it so ignore at will), here's mine. Don't travel to check off a list. Don't travel for the sake of travelling. You'll still find lots to enjoy if you do. But you'll weary of it. As often happens with my husband and I, we both became enlightened around the same time. I wouldn't change my last trips for anything (great times with my mom, fabulous times with friends and seeing my new nephew). But I am going to change my future plans. Rather then checking off Berlin, Brussels, and Vienna - we're giving Europe a rest - many sights yet unseen.



We're going only where we really want to go. When we really want to do it. And preferably with loved ones who are visiting. We miss being a part of the lives of the people we care about. Your summer weekends, campouts, and reunions were the cause of much jealousy around here. We can't wait to do them with you. Your side of the ocean or ours.

Kid-Friendly

We got home last night. Within minutes my neighbor came over with some bread, in case we were hungry and had no food in the house. While we were gone she watered the flowers and took our garbage to the curb and back.

Today I had to visit the store in order to feed my ever-hungry children. This must-do-twice-weekly trip has graduated from the category of 'dread' to 'hooray!' since Mary potty-trained. She can now go to the excellent and free child-care center with Eli. They can't wait to go. I can't wait to go. They play, do art projects, build trains, slide, and play games. And when I picked them up today after some blissfully-quick childfree grocery shopping, the head teacher - who knows us well - gave me a stack of finger paintings done by my kids in the previous month. She had matted and framed them and simply said "these are from your previous visits, to take home." I practically had tears in my eyes.

This afternoon we went to get haircuts for my shaggy-haired pups. They love the kids at this salon and treat them like little royalty. Eli asked for blue hair at the end of his buzz cut (I do not know why). So his stylist goes to find a blue mascara and colors it for him. He spends the rest of the day convinced he is a "rock star." Of course they get suckers as rewards, as well. Most days I really love living here and some days, like today, it feels like a little slice of kid-friendly heaven.

Very disappointed that the color wasn't permanent... pic before the wash off.

Our trip to Copenhagen in Denmark and the fjords (click for definition) and Cities of Norway was wonderfully kid-friendly as well. With one exception we were impressed with the people and places and their love of children. Some loved our kids in the moment more than we did. I really wanted to enjoy our kids this trip. What's the old saying? "You'll usually find what your looking for." Photos and stories that way ----->

Tea Time & Gewurztraminer

This child lives for bread and soup dinners.

Entering Riquewihr, France. Walled. Stone houses.

Canal ride in rickety boat. In the rain.

My 13 year-old teacups and saucers got their first taste of hot liquid this morning when I scrubbed them out and hosted an almost-German morning breakfast / tea time. We had coffee cake without coffee, cheeses without meats, and a frittata rather than bread-n-butter BUT I still claim success based on good conversation and my new purchase of a water-heating pitcher. Tea kettles are only found in gift stores or online. This is my concession to hot caffeinated liquids. I have still never brewed a cup of coffee.


Had a hard time concentrating since I was awaiting news from Chicago, which came just after lunch - a new nephew!! Very excited for Janelle, David and our whole family on the arrival of Ethan David. Sad that mom isn't here to brag to the whole world. Kev's dad is doing a good job of it though. A good day. And a hard one. One of the very few where I feel far away from where I want to be. But we will be trippin' there very soon.... after we get this frivolous 9 days in Scandinavia out of the way. Hah! We're excited. About all of it.


Insight: Travel guide books say the best time to travel to Europe is in the summer. They lie. You will either burn to a crisp (Spain, Italy) or be struck by lightning while trudging through the rain in your brand-new, "bought for this trip" tennis shoes (Germany, Netherlands, France, etc).


We have never regretted a trip. Not even an I've-got-a-crazy-idea-for-this-weekend kind of excursion and we won't start now. But we did have a few, shall we say, 'issues' when we chose to catch Le Tour De France last Friday and Saturday. Got wet, got goodies, got squashed in the crowds and advertisers parade on Friday afternoon almost at the finish in Colmar, France. The kids, God love 'em, loved it. They were the definite bright spot (this changes, stay tuned) watching all the crazy themed cars, catching free hats and snacks, and staying in one place in the pouring rain for 90 minutes to see 2 minutes worth of bike racing. Other bright spot: Gewurztraminer white wine. Specialty of the region and new Flikkema favorite. Tried it that night at dinner and started looking for bottles to buy.


Booking the hotel last-minute meant only one room left that can fit only one extra travel bed. Kid on either end of this too-small-poor-excuse-for-a-sleeping-recepticle meant lots of this.
"She kicked me!"
"Mom, her toenails scratched me!"
"Stop it Eli! No!"
... in addition to the trials of a toddler in potty training afraid of going #2. At 2am. And 3am.


After that fabulous night we decided to go back to standing in one place in the rain. But for 2 full hours this time! The kids did well though, re-loved the exact same parade, and banged their giveaway rumble-sticks when the bikers went by. They even got kid-sized "LiveStrong" bracelets. Don't ask if we saw Lance. We probably did. He had a helmet on, right? Took a little boat ride on a cute canal in town, browsed a happy electric train mini-museum, then headed for a walled-medieval town, very cute, and a restaurant in the middle of the forest somewhere. I had a smoked, minced-pork meat pie.... "Je t'adore, mince-meat-pie! Tres magnifique!" And a glass of Gewurztraminer. And the sun decided to shine.


After another fun night of bickering and backside reminders we ventured to the castle fortress of Haut Koenigsbourg in the misty rain. Very cool place. Eli and Mary ran through little stone doorways, up and down steps, had a good time. Then they slept, thankfully, while Kevin, I, and the GPS got good and hopelessly lost in the stomach-clenching curvy, misty Vosges Mountain Range. We somehow escaped, made ourselves feel worse by eating McDonalds, and survived the drive home.


Glad we did it. Won't do it again. Will happily go along with any visitors next year to the town hosting Le Tour and will sightsee with the kids while you stand 'at the line' and catch hats.

Putz Frau

Many people here hire a 'Putz Frau' (pron: 'Puts Frow') or Cleaning Lady as standard help. It's not expensive and so not just for the wealthy. It's tempting. But I fear that having someone else clean for me would remove 80% of my reason for being. Measuring by time spent, of course, not by worth. I hope.

A few more ways i've been culture-resistant:

• I don't drink carbonated water (though Kevin does).




• I make sandwiches for lunch and hot food for dinner rather than the other way around.




• At 5:00pm I am starting dinner, not having tea/coffee and cake as an afternoon snack.




• I wear shorts. And my husband will never wear a speedo or manpris.




• I purposely teach my preschool-age kids academics. At home if necessary. Fully homeschooling is illegal here, and parents are consistantly discouraged from teaching their little kids the basics of reading or math as they would be 'bored in school.' Not many educational options here. But the preschools are thankfully terrific in all other ways.




• Our longest vacation might be a week long and we'll stay in 3 different places. We don't have the vacation days or patience to stay in one place for 2 weeks straight. Though I can understand the relaxation benefit potential.

That said, however, there are many ways in which i've adapted and embraced:

• I never use ice anymore and get annoyed if we're in a rare European restaurant that puts cubes in my drink.




• My children (and I) require at least one warm, salted pretzel a day. Usually as a morning shopping snack. They cost about 50 cents.




• I ordered a trend-fashion, black, rectangular-shaped cool pair of glasses yesterday.




• I like all hard floors in the main living areas. No stains. More fun for the kids and all their toys on wheels.




• At this time I am keeping 5 flower boxes / plants alive (mostly). Something I would never attempt if I didn't live where everyone was raised knowing everything about plants and showcased them in spectacular fashion.




• If we have a particularly busy weekend and are running all over I feel somehow robbed.




• We're rediscovering new uses for our legs... walking, riding, rolling.

Potty-Time Mary